My dear Journal, I have something to whisper to you:
I got what I wanted... and now I`m afraid.
I`ve always been a little nervous about my unfinished clinical psychology studies, but I also know that this is not a full-time job I`d like to have. I always take too personal other people`s emotions, and I have enough already being a shoulder to cry on at my leisure time since I can remember myself.
Then a new word, "coaching" appeared. I liked the idea, but I find totally wrong it`s goal, to teach a man to be a better slave.
When I heard about "life coaching" concept for first time, I knew: This is who I am. I always was.
Living freelancer`s life you sometime get interesting jobs. People sometimes need really strange things to be done; I find lot of fun in it. But now I have this dysfunctional family with unhappy teenagers involved in their parents` stupid decisions, and another "family" with little child, who has taken his mother`s stress on himself... It feels like right thing to do, driving away suicidal thoughts, helping to find some light in daily shit these children have not deserved etc, but I am so afraid- to fail, to be not competent enough, be not worthy their trust. Again, I take their emotions, live their lives and it`s burning me.
I know, I know, I`m getting material for pile of books... if I`ll survive to write them.