All Time in the World: part 4

Game: Dragon Age 2
Characters/pairing: Marion Hawke/Fenris
Disclaimer: All thanks goes to Bioware, which has created this beautiful DA world and characters we love so much, as well as is owner of this. I just continue to play.

Fenris sit completely motionless, leaning back against a wall in his shadowed corner and being happy about choosing the place- he was not ready to reveal all emotions that could possibly appear on his face. One part of him listened to Hawkes story, eagerly swallowing each word of her lips, another wandered around in his memories.

First year after Kirkwall mage massacre seemed like a black hole in his life, worse than all years of running from Danarius. Fighting for his freedom, he had a hope for better tomorrow, each new day was better than previous.  After the sight of Hawke`s disappearing in black water, there has been not a word about her future- not a letter, not any result of inquiries through Varric contacts here and there. At dawn there was no sign of Isabela`s ship in the bay, and all secrets of the night events gone with it. While his heart refused to believe it, his mind said, that she should be obviously dead. If not drowned in Kirkwall bay, the first step ashore at any port could be her last one, considering mass slaughter of mages, blustering over whole country. First waiting for news, then little by little losing his hope to see her again, Fenris let desperation lead his days- he took on the most dangerous job offers, fought like mad, got drank at Hanged Men every time his mind was not busy just being afraid to meet the painful, black emptiness within his heart, wandered alone along Wounded Coast at nights… It seemed like he was seeking death as his only promised solace.

Everyone was grieving for loosing Hawke, but Fenris` sorrow was different. Refusing his love after their first night with only reason- believing Hawke has deserved better life than bunch of unsolved issues as his only possession, he has been watching trough years Anders making use of his retreat and taking his place so quickly, using a card of "a shoulder to cry on" in right moment. Fenris had not tried to win her back. Always defending his position passionately, he respected opinions of others as well. Like he had accepted Hawke`s magic, he respected her choice of man, although it combined two things he hated most, second to slavery: magic and Anders. After all, it was him, who left her. She surely hated him, and if not- how could possibly Hawke know that these feelings of him were just growing stronger. If she had managed to settle her life, he had no rights to make it a mess again.

It was painful to see destructiveness of their relationship through years, the way Anders used Hawke`s support, resources, influence, and how easy he made his mad decisions, sacrificing her for his imagined greater good without any hesitation.  Just few days before Ander`s "no compromise" solution, the feeling of oncoming changes was so strong, that air seemed fulfilled with tension. Justice had been taking control over Anders most part of the day, and Hawke seemed got enough of it. Considering their relationship, she obviously saw and knew more than others. While drinking with others at Hanged Man, she had been saying, that she could not tell more, but words of Flemeth on whole world to be shattered were going to fulfil in days and they needed to be prepared for some dramatic changes. That night she had been very depressed, with desperate look at her tired eyes. As companions were going to leave, she had asked Fenris to make her company for another drink and honestly said: "I do not want to return home. That's over."

At some level of desperation people no more care what others think and start speak their mind, their emotions. Exactly this happened to both of them. They spoke and drank, drank and spoke, about everything: their fear, pain, hopelessness, dreams... As Hanged Man was going to close, Fenris, being afraid of tension that could arise, if he invited Hawke to his mansion, offered her a stroll along Wounded Coast. They had made a fireplace in a small hallow, protected from wind by rocks, and sit on the coast as sun rise and their last wine was over. Fenris was surprised to discover, that Hawke was not angry at him, that she has noticed and valued every caring, helping, supporting act made by him during all these years, and that she used to remember THAT night often like he did… They had not slept at all, so just few easy jobs on next day were really Makers gift for them.  Later at night, as they sit in Varric`s apartments counting the loot, Fenris raised his look from his busy hands to meet Hawkes eyes and asked:

"So, what about tonight? Still not going home? If we are going to seek that mystical evil of Darktown tomorrow, it can be hard. You need to get some sleep."

Hawke shook her dark curls decidedly: "I said- it`s over. I cannot imagine myself in one bed with him."

"If you have no better choices, than…my place is rather simple, but I`m sure I can manage something. You come?" Fenris found it surprisingly simple to say the words, when helping a desperate friend in trouble was all what he thought of instead his own roaming emotions.

As they arrived at the mansion, Fenris searched the house looking for something appropriate- matrasses, blankets, sheets, but everything he could find in abandoned part of house was damp, fulfilled with stench of the mould. Cold stone floor was not an option, and he was afraid of Hawkes reaction as he would offer her to share the only bed. There had been enough misunderstanding between them all these years, all caused by permanent tension in the air between them while they pretended it not to be there, and he really feared to spoil this fragile trust, which they started to renew during last night. It was Hawke who saved him, saying: "Fenris, just… let`s go get sleep. I`m dropping down with fatigue, and I guess you as well. And, please, no apologizing, no sleeping on the floor or something…"

Quickly, in silence, each on different side of a bed, avoiding to looking at each other like shy teenagers, they took off their closes, leaving on some reasonable pieces. In seconds they were under the blanket. Narrow bed, single blanket and cool air left no choices: Fenris embraced Hawke- gently, carefully like a fragile bird that needs to be hold avoiding being crushed or scared, while she turned her back to him, bending her body to be aligning with his, so leaving no space for cold air between them. Feeling happy after years of longing, he thought, that he would like to remain like this for hours- just keeping her in his arms, feeling her warm and pliable body so close… and fall asleep, defeated by exhaustion.

Slowly getting awake, he left his dreams with regret- smell and warmth of woman, resting in his hands, this pleasant tension within his body, that demanded for release, was not what he wanted to leave so quickly. He lay, refusing to open his eyes, as consciousness of mind slowly returned… till he suddenly realized, that this wasn`t a dream. Hawke, his beloved, so painfully lost and not retrieved yet lay right here, in his hands, entangled her arms and legs with him and smiling in her dream. Fenris realized that the dream will be over as soon as she will awake. His desperation whispered reckless advices in his ears, and he leaned carefully towards Hawkes face to kiss her- this one, the last time, while she was asleep… Happy for their renewed friendship, he still did not believe, that he could have any chances for more with her. His lips barely touched her face as she sighted, trembled and… he couldn't believe that- still sleeping, she answered him with all her body. Her mouth slightly opened to meet his kiss, her arms enlaced his neck, and she moved her body towards to meet his. Then she trembled again. As Fenris looked at her, he saw her eyes open, surprise in her face, and realised, that right now she has got awake and find herself in a… situation, like him few moments ago. He smiled at the idea before he managed to control his face and saw Hawke answering with nicest smile in the world. In a second he felt all his detained feelings and deep buried passions breaking atop, his body refused to listen into mind control, and his hands clasped around Hawke`s wrist, pulling her against him. If she would resist, that would be end of his world… but she didn't. Instead, he felt her body to succumb, to willingly answer everything he did to her… All the demons in the world could wait while they settled down their unresolved issues. They needed no food, no wine, no rest, they didn't leave mansion not this nor another day… or may be one more, no one of them could answer that. Three years of longing, crying, misunderstanding, hoping and un-hoping were left in past. What were few days, comparing with it? They were surprised, how much they had to speak about in moments as their bodies rested: they have been spent so much time together in their missions, that it seemed no much unknown left to share. Probably Anders was looking for her, probably people would speak- it did not matter anymore.

Finally, they were interrupted by loud knocking at the door. Loud, excited voices of their companions come inside through thick oak planks like door would be made of paper. With no sign of any of them few days along, their friends had started to worry, if something wrong happened to them, while there were lot of world to save out there. "Your happy faces make me difficult to create good story. When everything goes smoothly, it bore listeners," Varric said, as door finally opened and they poured inside.

It was four days before Right of Annulment was declared in Kirkwall.